Reasonable Rates for Pagan Services

Here are the results from the Reasonable Rates for Pagan Services survey! 58 people responded (one person entered all 9s in all the fields which I marked with a Red N/A).

You can select the question and see the results using the Tabs at the bottom of the page. I reworked the layout a bit so that it would be more readable, but the results are accurate.

http://mprc-crpm.ca/SurveySummary_06172014.htm

Pagan Festival Firepit Etiquette

Note: this is an article in a series about Pagan Festival Etiquette. See the label fest etiquette for other articles.

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One of the main attractions at pagan festivals is the firepit. As with the ancient people, the presence of a communal fire naturally draws people together, creating instant community (just add wood!). What happens around these firepits greatly depends upon the people, the program, and the weather.

What you can expect around a firepit is as follows:

* conversation and socializing

* bardic performances (singing, dancing, poetry, storytelling, etc.)

* dancing

* drumming

* ritual

* discussion

* all of the above

* none of the above

The firepit should be a safe place where everyone is welcome to share in the fire's heat and light. This shared experience creates a bond, but it is everyone's responsibility to maintain it. The firepit is a magical place where friendships are forged, beauty is celebrated, stories are shared, and where laughter reigns supreme.

But a firepit is also a surprisingly delicate environment. It can be easily destroyed by ego, rudeness, carelessness, or even physical danger.

Navigating the Firepit
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If you know where the firepit is going to be during a festival, take a moment during the daytime to visit it and get a feel for where everything is. When it's dark out and your night vision is shot due to the bright flames, that's not a great time to try to figure out where the bathroom is.

Take note of where the entrances and exits are, how big the area is, and chat with a staff person about what generally happens at the firepit at night.

Also, NEVER walk into a seemingly unlit firepit, day or night. If there was a bonfire the night before, it's very likely that there are burning hot coals right beneath the two inches of seemingly cool ash. It's a kind of hot-foot that's going to stay with you for a good long time.

What to Bring
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Because night-time temperatures can be a bit tricky, it's best to dress in layers. Right next to the firepit might be toasty warm, but just a few feet away can be quite chilly. You should have layers that allow you to sit, stand, and cuddle up to the flames comfortably.

You should bring a camp chair so that you can take a load off and rest occasionally. It's always more comfortable than the cold, hard ground. It also gives you a place to store your things when you're off wandering, dancing, or socializing.

Make sure your camp chair is not in anyone's way and won't be tripped over accidentally. If people are dancing or mingling around the firepit, don't put your camp chair in their path. A good rule of thumb is to see where the fire-keeper is sitting and put your chair about the same distance away from the firepit.

You should also avoid bringing any valuables to the firepit. We all want to believe that everyone is good and honest, but with a just a little inebriation, people can walk off with your things either on purpose or by accident. Don't bring anything that you cannot stand to lose (wallet, car keys, jewelry, electronics, money, etc.).

If you find anything that seems to be lost, you should bring it to the Registration office or ask a security/staff person about dropping it in the Lost/Found box. Karma: it helps everybody.

Fire-keepers

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Most firepits have a fire-keeper, which is a person in charge of keeping the fire bright, strong, and hot. Fire-keepers also maintain a level of security around the fire to keep the people safe. In recent years, some fire-keepers have also taken on the task of keeping the fire dancers hydrated by having drinking water on hand.

Fire-keeping is more than just tossing the odd log onto a blaze. There is skilled technique at work, there is strategy, and there is a living relationship being forged between the fire and the fire-keeper. The fire-keeper creates the fire, tends to it lovingly for hours, and extinguishes it when the celebration ends (sometimes as the sun is rising!). Some might even see fire-keeping as a sacred ritual being performed with the fire and fire-keeper as the only participants.

The bonfire is a sacred place, so unless the fire-keeper says otherwise, only the fire-keeper is allowed to feed a fire. Just as you would not give candy to a child you did not know (or whose parents you did not know), you should not poke, prod, or throw anything into a fire without the fire-keeper's permission. The sacred fire is not a place for your garbage, no matter how pretty its fiery consumption might be. Aside from upsetting the delicate balance that the fire-keeper is trying to maintain, it can also create sudden sparks and floating embers that burn, scald, or set others alight.

If a fire-keeper asks you for help, be honored by the request and do your best to help. Don't be afraid to thank the fire-keepers for their quiet, yet essential role in the evening's festivities. Enjoy the firelight, enjoy the fire's heat, and respect the fire-keeper's responsibility in creating that sacred, magical space.

The fire-keeper usually has a path cleared between the firepit and the stack of firewood. Make sure you don't put anything to block that path, including yourself. 

Smoking

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As the popularity and the population around a firepit increases, so do the complications of bringing lit cigarettes into a crowded space. Aside from the complications of second-hand smoke and allergies, having a tiny lit fire stick around too much exposed flesh can result in burnt skin or worse.

Smokers are invited to step away from the firepit area to enjoy their cigarettes in peace, surrounded by like-minded people. Please do not throw your cigarette butts in the sand (see the paragraph on burnt skin) and do not throw them into the sacred fire. Butt cans are usually provided to extinguish and contain your expired smokes. If there are no butt cans, then bring a Yuck bottle (a bottle with water/sand inside to hold your butts) or request some from the Fest staff.

If you decide to use non-tobacco based products, please take them far away from the firepits and consume them in private.

Proximity to the Firepit

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When standing around a firepit, keep in  mind that everyone wants to feel the heat and watch the flames, so as much as possible, try not to stand in front of anyone and denying them access. Sometimes this can be unavoidable, but do your best to be accommodating.

Also, don’t get too close! Skin burns are painful for a long time, so keep exposed skin a safe distance from the flames. If you are wearing flowing clothing, be hyper-aware of how the extremities of this clothing is moving in relation to the flames. Lit clothing is not only a danger to yourself, but to anyone standing around you.

Try to stay out of the way of the people tending the fire (the Fire-keepers). Not only are they trying to maintain the fire, but they also need to keep it from burning out of control. Try not to get between them and the places they need to be.

If people want to dance around the fire, give them some room to move. This might mean you have to stand farther away from the fire than you’d like, but try to be accommodating. Don’t stand so close to the firepit that it puts the dancers at risk of stumbling or falling in. We all need to do our part to keep everyone safe.

Sharing a Firepit
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What people do around a firepit depends greatly on the event, the time, and the location of said firepit. Some firepits are largely social gatherings where people sit or stand in groups and catch up on news, tell jokes, and just enjoy each other's company.

Try to keep the volume of your conversation to a respectful level so as not to drown out other people. You should NEVER use a video/audio recorder to record what is said around a firepit without *everyone’s* explicit permission.

The attention of the crowd might shift from intimate conversation to a group discussion, but this should be as organic as possible. In most cases, insisting that everyone stops talking to listen to you speak is regarded as rude.

If a Firepit is being built to allow people to dance, there are usually a few key elements: a ring of dancers, the muscians (drummer) in one corner, and the watchers on the outside. No one is obliged to dance, but the dancing line is open to all. Generally, the dancers will move either clock-wise or counter clock-wise, so you are expected to move with the flow of the group. When there are too many people for a single ring, multiple rings will form.

Sometimes people will take some or all of their clothes off while dancing around a fire. Whether this is allowed or not depends on the Festival Organizer, so consult with the Fire-keeper or Security to find out if this is appropriate. 

However, Firepit Nudity is not an invitation to anyone to touch, grope, or make lewd or derogatory comments. You can read more about Clothing Optional Etiquette here.

Potion Bottles

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As with many outdoor pagan gatherings (such as festivals), there may be a wee bit of alcohol making the rounds. Pagans tend to be quite generous in sharing their grog, but you should always wait for the offer rather than raiding someone else's cooler. Also, make sure you know and trust the person who is offering you a drink before you imbibe, just to be on the safe side. As the Sufis say: "Trust in Allah, but tie your camel."

Because many people walk in their bare feet around a firepit, especially when it is covered in sand, you should NEVER bring glass bottles to a firepit. No matter how careful you think you're being, it's very easy for a glass bottle to shatter and sow its sharp seeds into the sand, and more importantly, into people's feet.

Discarded glass bottles are also a danger because it's easy to trip on them or even shatter them with your feet. Leave your glass bottles at your campsite and out of foot-traffic's way.

Transfer your festive potions (alcoholic or otherwise) into a plastic or metal container (like a water bottle or travel mug) before you approach the firepit. You may want to identify your potion bottle in someway to distinguish it from all the others (after a few potions, everything starts to blur together).

It's also a good idea to bring a water bottle filled with plain, refreshing water. Dancing around a hot firepit can dehydrate you in a hurry, especially if you are being constantly libated with mystery alcoholic drinks. Pacing yourself with water ensures a safe evening and a (relatively) pain-free morning after.

Firepit Romance

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Pagans are an affectionate crowd, but sometimes the firelight can raise more than just the body temperature.  Please keep in mind that the firepit is a social gathering where everyone is enjoying the same space in friendship and community. If you are connecting with a new found love, or rekindling an established flame (pun intended), please take your public displays of affection away from the firelight and to someplace more private.

No one is saying that you can't be affectionate with a friend, but not only does overt sexual expression shut everyone else out, it's distracting, uncomfortable to watch, and even harder to ignore.

Once you make that connection with someone, go for a walk and enjoy their company without the prying eyes, allowing the rest of the people to enjoy the fire rather than your fiery passion.

For more information, please see The Etiquette of Intimacy, Sexuality, and Consent.

Preserving Quebecois Culture

So some of you may remember a graphic I posted last week on Facebook that mashed the OQLF and the new Google Word Lens Translator app. If you didn't see it, here it is on Facebook:

It generated some buzz and discussion, which was mostly positive and constructive. I was also called a bigot, told to "f off", and got unfriended by a couple of people. That's fair, I suppose. I don't enjoy being called a bigot, but if you don't like my politics or my sense of humor, then by all means, remove me from your feed. It's your Facebook experience, so do what you have to do.

For the record though, I must state that I do believe that the French culture in Quebec deserves to be preserved, nurtured, and allowed to thrive and evolve. I just don't think that the OQLF is the way to do it. If you want to preserve the art of dance, you can't just force everyone to learn the Charleston and expect dance to thrive. While some people will want to explore what other dance is out there, many people will resent the art of dance being forced upon them. What you want to do is invest in the dance community, allow it to evolve and develop, consume the art that is generated, and make it accessible to as many people as possible.

If it's important to you that Quebec culture should be preserved and allowed to thrive, you either need to personally invest in art and culture that reflects Quebec's cultural identity, past, present, and future, or you pressure government to fund it. Either way, this will allow Quebec art and culture to thrive in a way that can make it easier for the greater population to discover and learn from it.

If you truly believe that preserving Quebec culture is important, prove it by honestly answering at least two of these questions, ordered according to intensity (without looking them up on Google):

1. Name 3 to 5 French Quebecois artists (any genre) whose art you have consumed (purchased) in the last year.

2. Name 3 to 5 French Quebecois artists (any genre) who you know has released their art to the public in the last year.

3. Name 3 to 5 French Quebecois artists (any genre) whose art you have consumed (purchased) regularly in the past 5 years.

4. Name 5 Quebecois artists (any culture, any genre) whose art you have consumed (purchased) in the last year.

5. Name 5 Quebecois artists (any culture, any genre) who you know has released their art to the public in the last year.

6. Name 10 Quebecois artists (any culture, any genre) whose art you have consumed (purchased) regularly in the past 5 years.

How did you do? If were able to answer these questions truthfully and easily, then the artistic cultural community in Quebec thanks you for your support. They would not be able to do what they do without you, and you are actively nurturing Quebec's cultural identity.

But if you profess to value Quebec culture and art and yet you struggled with these questions, then I would suggest that you may not be really valuing Quebec culture in a way that is constructive and supportive. Culture and Art need to be supported and nurtured actively, not abstractly. You should be consuming it substantially and in a way that invests and supports the artists that produce it, which in turn, sustains Quebec's cultural identity.

Until you can honestly make this statement, you are not supporting your words with action. If there is any threat to the preservation of Quebecois culture, you may be actively contributing to its threat and demise.

In addition to personal support and investment, the Quebecois government should be doing more to support the community and contribute to its evolution and development. With government support, the arts and culture can then be made accessible to the general population, who in turn, consume it and support the artists, which allows the Quebec culture to survive and thrive.

Rather than having a narrow definition of culture being forced upon the populace, you can widen access to the culture that is already thriving and allow it to be celebrated.

SIDE NOTE: A few years ago, I was on a Facebook group for people who felt that Anglo language and culture was under attack in Quebec. When I asked these people these same questions but for Quebec Anglo artists, none of them could honestly name anyone local that they supported. I left the group soon after. Supporting our cultural and artistic pioneers is a problem for both Solitudes.

The Trouble with Talking It Out

One of the problems with depression is that it's very difficult to explain how you're feeling when it's happening. It's just a heavy sadness that pervades your entire thought process and it's not caused by any specific issue.

But because we are cause-effect creatures, we *think* it's born of a specific issue and it makes existing issues seem much worse than they are. Also, depression LIES, but it's hard to see that when you're in the middle of it.

Everyone says you need to "talk it out", but it's very difficult to put what is roiling about in your depressed head into words that make any kind of sense. Any attempt at analyzing it results in more paranoia, and any attempt at explaining it to others runs the risk of being misunderstood, creating an even bigger problem.

I just want to disappear into myself, but unfortunately, I'm surrounded by empaths who get negatively impacted by my own misery. It's a rotten thing for everyone and I'm so, so sorry.

Yuletide Greetings!

While the darkness can be comforting, quiet, and insightful, the child who brings light to the world has been born again, so we celebrate the return of the light.

Even though it seems like the darkness will never end on the longest night, remember that you can have more light when you share it with others. Happy Yule.

The Pope will be Televised

Just a wee bit of silliness. Mystery Hunters was a kids-teens science show that appeared on YTV and other places. In this excerpt, Christina is searching for vampires and discovers a group of Pagans in ritual. Little did she know that she was witness the birth of a Pagan Pope in progress. That's me in the robe answering her questions. The connection between vampires and Pagans was shakey and weird, granted.

Crossing the Line Online

Note: I updated this post a few days after the original posting. The updates are in Green.

In the past couple of years, I have had to unfriend about five people for various reasons on Facebook (two of those people were just in the past month!). Sometimes this is a heart-wrenching decision, sometimes it is very easily-made decision. After the last one, it was suggested to me that I do some soul-searching.

After said soul-search, I realized that there was a common denominator in all the unfriendings I've had to do. As it turns out, there aren't a variety of reasons: there's just one main reason.

As many of you know, I like to explore ideas on my Facebook page. Some are silly, some are deep, and some are controversial. Fortunately, most of my Facebook friends are highly intelligent and opinionated people, so most of the time, I get valuable feedback. I have absolutely no problem with being disagreed with. In fact, I'm hoping someone will have an opposite view so that we can discuss it and I can either get a new perspective or have the chance to win them over to my side. Sometimes, neither of those two things happen and we just have to agree to disagree, as frustrating as that can be. It's rarely a wasted effort.

However, sometimes these disagreements can cross the line and become personal and this is not acceptable.  If I have posted something that you feel to be offensive, you can call me on it and explain your position. I may debate you on this issue if I feel you have misunderstood, but you're not going to win me over by personally attacking me on it. State your position and keep it on topic and I will listen. You'll may convince me, I may convince you, or we'll have to agree to disagree. Unless I posted something that was directed at you specifically, you cannot expect to use your own personal sense of offense as a launching pad to attack me personally and think I'll just give you a free pass. 

If the basis of your argument depends on a flaw in my personality, my intelligence, my nationality, my upbringing, my religion, my gender, my profession, etc. (you get the idea), our social media relationship (and maybe our friendship) is now officially in jeopardy. 

This is not to say that you cannot try to call me on White/Male privilege. Playing this card is frustrating to me, but it's not a deal killer. I find this tactic to be an offensive generalization that is sexist and racist by definition, but it's also an ad-hominem way to try and end the discussion. I have rarely seen it applied in a way that actually convinces me to change my position (it has happened, but it's rare). 

Also, bringing your own race/gender into the discussion is not a problem necessarily. I won't shut you out because you say something like "You can't understand because you're not a woman like me!" While it may be true that I cannot appreciate the realities of being a woman, I don't take this as a personal attack. The personal attack version would be "You can't understand because you're just a man and men are just stupid!", but even then, that's just such a weak rebuttal, I would probably just dismiss it as being irrelevant.

If you were really concerned about my personal flaws, you would probably address them with me in person, by phone, or by private message. No friend of mine would use my flaws (whether they valid flaws or perceived flaws) as a weapon to discredit me or my opinion. Nor would my friends use my flaws to make me look foolish or to humiliate me publicly. I don't care if you think this flaw is real, your concern is genuine, or if you only have my best interests at heart. I also don't care if there are many people that are too polite to address this issue with me directly, but they have asked you to be their representative in this matter.

A personal attack would be something like (these are mostly realistic quotes I've received, although I may be paraphrasing at time for context):
"Your parents obviously abused you as a child. If they didn't, maybe they should have."
"You would understand this if you had a real job."
"Everyone knows that you just crave attention and you'll do anything to score points with your posse."
"You would know what to do in this situation if you weren't such a coward."
"Only a a racist bigot who hates women would ever say stuff like you've just said."

If you and I have an established friendship that is based on history of positive, constructive experiences, I can let certain things slide. If I'm really hurt by your statements, I'll address the issue with you directly, give you a chance to explain yourself, and we can come to some kind of mutual understanding. Maybe there's an issue between us that needs to be addressed and this is moment where it flared up. If you and I have a reality-based friendship, I'll give you the benefit of the doubt.

But if we barely know each other, we've only met a couple of times, and we haven't had any real-world experiences together, I am less inclined to take shit from you. If we have invested in each other in some way, I'll honor that investment by following-up. But if you cannot be bothered to take the time to know me outside of social media, don't pretend you can speak on who I was, who I am now, and who I should be if only I had the proper values. I am happy to debate issues with anyone, but if your position requires you to launch into some kind of dime-store psychoanalysis of my "true" feelings on the matter, I'm out.

Some people have commented that I am way too patient with some people. It's true that I sometimes suffer fools gladly because the optimist in me believes that everyone has something to bring to the table. However, as I get older, I've been finding the my patience to suffer these fools is beginning to wane and wear thin.

My friend Rebecca wisely stated that if I have a friendship that is based mostly on aggravation, then it may not be a friendship worth maintaining. I don't enjoy having to unfriend people on Facebook, but when I begin to notice that a social media relationship is dominated by disrespectful chatter or a consistent need to tear me down, it's time to decide that I don't need to include that voice in my conversations.

I'm not sure I really need to expound on this subject at length. It's my Social Media and I don't need to explain of justify it to anyone. But this is the cool thing about writing: it forces you to apply a critical eye to your thoughts and ensure you are making the right decisions for the right reasons. With the unfriendings I've had to do in the past year (some people needed to be Blocked), I would wonder if I was being too harsh in these decisions. Writing this article has proven to me that it was what I had to do.

I'm hoping that these decisions can be respected, but since the people I had to unfriend were being disrespectful in the first place, I doubt that they will. Hopefully, the rest of you can understand. If you want to discuss it, please leave a comment!