Depression attempts isolate you, which is why it's important to reach out to others, even when you don't feel like it. This past week, I've fighting off a cold so I've been going to work, then going home to bed early every night trying to get enough rest. But the isolation of that coupled with the depression can spin false yarns in your brainpan and convince you of horrible things.
I was starting to become convinced that my friends were drifting away and that I was seeing the end of my membership in what has been the most awesome friendship circle I've ever been involved with. Maybe they just no longer enjoyed my company and I was being left out.
I arrived at my D&D game last night and a bunch of people had gone out to get food. "I think Erik texted you," said Maia.
"I've gotten in the habit of NOT looking at my phone in the car," I replied. "So I must've missed it. I'll call him now and hopefully, it won't be too late." But when I looked at my phone, there was a text from Erik:
"I am ordering you a chicken Pad Thai."
I nearly burst into tears right there. It was a tiny gesture, but it destroyed the lie that the depression had be feeding me all week. Love ya, buddy. That moment meant more than you'll know. I owe you $10.
When you're in the throes of depression, fight against your feelings and immediately seek out those people who remind you that you're a good person who has a place in this world. Don't let the depression dominate this silent conversation because it is a fucking liar and you deserve better.
"Do you think it's wise to write about your depression so openly like that? People might think you're crazy or unreliable. Maybe that stuff should be kept private."
This attitude is EXACTLY why i need to write about it so publicly. The stigma around depression creates a space where people feel they need to be quiet about it lest they be judged unfairly.
When I write about my epiphanies about depression, I'm trying to show that what you experience has nothing to do with the Absolute Truth about You (which is what depression lies to you about) and everything to do with the condition of depression. I want you to think "Wait... how can he be having the same feelings as me, but he doesn't live the wreck of my life? Maybe this has nothing to do with who I am, so it's definitely something I can overcome."
That's why I write about it.