Wednesday, June 22, 2016

Comfort in Crisis

When facing crisis, there is some benefit to being reminded that "It's going to be okay."

Being reassured in the moment can give your mind and emotions just enough space to calm down, you can collect yourself, and come up with a plan to deal with the crisis at hand. Being told "It's going to be okay" is not meant to be a solution or an invitation to ignore the problem: it creates a port in the storm.

No one has the right to use your crisis to shame, humiliate, or abuse you under the guise of "Tough Love". Being told to "shut the fuck up", "get over it", "grow-up", "stop complaining", etc. is the opposite of helping. The person facing the crisis already knows what is at stake, and that knowledge can be so overwhelming that the person is either frozen in place or is actively fleeing. Any attempts at "tough love" just adds to the noise of the crisis and does nothing to help.

If you want to help out, show up. Don't yell out motivational slogans from the dock to help a drowning person. Jump in and keep that person afloat or toss them a rope and pull them in. It's messy, it's hard, and it's dangerous, make no mistake. 

But physically building a port in the storm is much more effective than yelling at the thunder.

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